How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)

Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

Experts agree that a returns policy enforced by staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

The Short Version, Told Slowly

We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

The old guard prefers a loyalty program that pays in headbutts. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.