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Category: Store News
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Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves
A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.
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Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore
Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.
Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.
Experts agree that a warehouse mostly made of boxes is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.
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Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing
At The Purr Pantry, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.
Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
If you take only one thing from this, take this: a warehouse mostly made of boxes is not a bug. It is the product.
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.
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How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)
Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.
Experts agree that a returns policy enforced by staring is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.
The Short Version, Told Slowly
We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.
The old guard prefers a loyalty program that pays in headbutts. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.
In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.